James. Australia.

The Portraitist


George decides that he doesn’t have to try to improve his poor driving abilities because it means that other drivers are on average far more skilled than he is and thus better able to avoid bad drivers like him. “It’s like herd immunity for driving. I mean, logically speaking, if I get better, then doesn’t that mean there will be more bad drivers on the road by comparison?”

Jerry tries to point out that George’s reckless driving increases the likelihood of accidents regardless of the overall aggregate of skills, but is interrupted by Kramer, who takes issue with the word “reckless”.

"Doesn’t the very word imply there will be less wrecks?" he asks.

"It’s ‘fewer’," replies Jerry.

"That’s what I’m saying!" wails Kramer exasperatedly.

Elaine dates a painter who persuades her to pose nude for him. She is initially flattered, relishing the attention as he paints portrait after portrait of her in various poses. When he finally shows her his completed works, she is horrified to discover that he has not only depicted her with insultingly grotesque sexual characteristics, he has also placed her into ridiculous and embarrassing fantasy scenarios filled with goblins and faeries featuring himself as her nude — and equally preposterously endowed — knightly savior.

George’s carelessness inevitably results in a catastrophic traffic jam. Trapped in the gridlock is a delivery vehicle on its way to bring Elaine’s boyfriend’s paintings to a gallery opening. They never make it in time. Though she doesn’t admit it out loud, she is relieved about the art van delay.


phil collins’ genius lies in how easily you can sing his name in his own songs. i can phil it collins in the air tonight. i see your phil collins shining through


hey all let me know if you wanna buy a classic trash starter kit. including fish skeleton, apple core, tin can. all the basics to get your collection started.

Varsity jacket, college logo t-shirt, baggy denim jeans, sneakers. Sure, this may LOOK like standard jock attire, but it’s actually representative of my brand new lifestyle direction. Combines appearance of jock and athleticism of jock, but with jaded cynicism and general disdain for authority of no good, lowlife greaser. Huge difference.

"Telling jokes online while simultaneously maintaining the appearance of a cool, brooding, mysterious blogger is harder than it looks," I announce to the crowded lecture theatre, as a novelty handkerchief rope unravels from the sleeve of my leather jacket.




hey all. just announcing the next phase of my personal style. its “hayseed greaser” mostly the same as now but with straw coming out my jacket sleeves